Why I Hate My Cats

Arg.
Do you see the leaves on this wonderful Valentine bunch of tulips? Why must the cats munch on every flower I bring into the house? Last night, I was thinking of how in my pre-cat life, I would put bunches of flowers on side tables and night stands. Now, this invites disaster. A cat will chew on said bouquet, and perhaps while contentedly eating my flowers, another cat will think "oh, that looks good," and jump up on table with cat number one, whereupon a nice little fracas will ensue. There go the flowers. As a result of the brouhaha, water is everywhere, perhaps pooled on the leather couch, ruining it of course, and the flowers consequently die because, of course, no one is home when this happens. When I return the domicile, the crime is evident by the stamen and petals strewn through the house. Cat puke nearby, because, of course, the flowers make any kitty's stomach really ill. And forget wild flower concoctions-- I learned this the hard way-- because wild flowers are the most enticing to any canny cat, who will usually have more than the usual amount of kitty vomit after eating them, and invariably the puss will puke on the palest carpet in the home.

Thus the reason I keep my store bought bouquets on the kitchen counter, and even though the cats are "not allowed" on the counter, everyone knows you cannot control a cat.

Hence my sad, sad tulips.