Monday, February 07, 2005

La Bouderie: Or the Sulks Come Home to Roost

*NB*: The title of my post is lifted directly from today's French Word of the Day.

We've been dogsitting at my parents for the weekend, and I must admit it has been really wonderful. I get to see a lot of friends who live in this area, and have felt enornmously popular because of it. I only live forty-five minutes away from them now, but when you were a barfly like I was, it's good to relive a little those "glory" days. You know you were in a bar often when you go in to said bar three years later and people are still hail-and-well-met, as if you just saw them yesterday. What a great, wonderful weekend.

As I blogged, Saturday was a rugby day (also the title of a, surprise, raunchy rugby song, so click on the link at your own risk), but Friday night we went out to dinner with some good friends of ours. [deleted] We have been really desperate for the first attempt at conception in March, for Partner's next cycle. She's gotten the clean bill of health, so what's the hold up!? Bring on the sperm!

Our midwife called the local fertility clinic, and when Partner talked to the midwife, she told us the clinic had not yet dealt with directed donation for a lesbian couple, but felt they might be ready to start doing this. We live in a very liberal town, and a little bit of guessing on anyone's part would place us fairly quickly. My father calls it the "liberal armpit" of the United States, and since we don't live in California, and you can't guess Berkeley... and you can see I live in the midwest... well, I think it's obvious. Marijuana possession is noncriminal (or civil)infraction that carries a mere $25 fine and medicinal marijuana was made legal in the last election. I tell you this to highlight the liberal nature of our homeplace. But when Partner herself called the fertility clinic, they told her, "No, we don't feel comfortable with that yet." Smoke all the pot you want, but if you are a lesbian couple who wants to have a baby with some good friend's sperm, NO WAY! Fuckers. So, now what?

There's a cryogenic place in my hometown, where my parents still live, and where we have been dogsitting. We did a drive-by on Sunday, and after a considerable amount of Internet research, it appears they will do directed donation. Good news! Bad news-- they will only release sperm to a doctor's office, so we have to make sure our doctor/midwife will release the sperm to us. What a pain, eh? We also found out that until Patner is pregnant, visits to the midwife are not covered by our expensive insurance policy, so we think I'll find the traditional ob/gyn (since I've had soooo many good experiences there) and hopefully that doctor can do the sperm transfer (either literally or not).

Partner calls said cryogenic bank today, and here's where my bouderie comes in: It's a law in our state that all donated sperm must be held for six months before being released. Apparently this is not uncommon, and it's specifically meant to address concerns about HIV/AIDS. "Roll with the punches, WannaBeMom,"I tell myself, "roll with it,"but this is bloody frustrating. Partner's worries are inflating: she already has concerns about increasedpregnancy risks since she is thirty-six. The wait means she'll be thirty-seven when giving birth. This was noted by moaning"thirty-seven is soooo old" at me on the phone this afternoon. As I see it, we have two options, with a possible three:

  1. Use an anonymous donor from the California Cyrobank. We could get that sperm right away. We could try for the next ovulation cycle-- no problem! Downside-- we don't "know" that donor personally, something that has seemed important and safe to us both.
  2. Wait this stupid six months.
  3. And finally, bypass all banks entirely. This might be awkward, but perhaps an option.

Right now, we're totally inclined to go with option two, and while we might not heed any advice and/or commentary from the blog-quarter, I would, for one, be happy to hear it.


Blogger LilySea said...

What's the downside to option #3?
Is it legal issues?
Couldn't you find a lawyer, draw up an agreement, wash the turkey baster, and...
Especially since frozen sperm has only, like, one fifth of the life of "fresh" sperm, rendering conception that much trickier.

If we ever decide to get pregnant (granted, a very iffy, if), we assumed we'd go the do it-yourself (with gentleman friend) route. So do tell if it isn't a good option.

8:47 PM  
Blogger Katie (WannaBeMom) said...

Yes, option three sounds good, but when we first starting talking to Donor about giving us his sperm, he noted that he would probably feel more comfortable with the donation being more "clinical" in nature. I am trying to respect that initial request, but it's possible he'd be amenable to a less clinical deal... but it's a whole new subject to bring up. To be honest, I haven't even discussed option three with Partner yet either, so we'll see!!!

3:27 PM  
Anonymous Manuela said...

OOOH... I'm all in suspense now... what did you both decide... have to read ahead...

4:51 PM  

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