Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Deja-Vu

Remember this?

On IVF cycle #1, after retrieval we got eight eggs and eight fertilized, which sounds fantastic, but it's important to remember that Dr. BBB does ICSI on all his patients, no questions asked. (Although I might start asking questions about this.)

When I didn't get pregnant, Dr. BusyBusyBusy's assessment was that perhaps there were some egg quality issues to think about it. He noted research that pointed out the correlation between egg quantity and egg quality and recommended we push Partner a little more in the stimming part of the cycle. Which we did, and remember, before we went info for the retrieval, we thought there were at least ten follicles, and Dr. BBB thought there were more, for sure and he'd find them when he had Partner knocked out on the table and he could press harder on her pelvic area.

We were the last surgery of the morning, and I don't know... one thinks all sorts of things at this point. Was Dr. BBB extra rushed trying to get back to see his afternoon patients? Did he not look hard enough?

Because we got eight again. Which is okay. But I can't get excited about it. I just can't, and I am trying to really hard to pretend in front of Partner. And today the nurse called nice and early and told us that all eight are fertilized (again). And since we were initially told that a 50% fertilization rate was positive, I suppose this still good. But I could hardly feel the elation I did last time when we got the news. I worry we're on the same trajectory as before, and we all know how that ended, don't we?

11 Comments:

Anonymous pixi said...

Yeah, it would have been nice if the numbers had been even just a little better, so it could at least feel different.

As a big baseball fan, I always think about how streaks can't continue on forever. Hopefully this sameness "streak" will end where it counts the most - at the final outcome.

I'll keep all bits crossed and think good thoughts for you & P. Hope she's feeling OK.

2:42 PM  
Blogger Trista said...

Well, I've still got my fingers crossed for you. It could still end differently in terms of how many are viable to implant, right? right?

3:59 PM  
Blogger Anna said...

One thing I have hearnd through the IVF minefield is that you just never know. On our IVF #1 we got 11 eggs, 8 fertilized. On IVF #2, we got 13 eggs (I was thrilled!), but only 3 fertilized (I was crushed). IVF #3: 8 eggs, 5 ferilitzed. With donor eggs, there were 41 follicles, 25 eggs, 10 fertilized, and 2 made it to 5 day transfer (0 frozen). The fact that you got 8 and all 8 fertilized has GOT to be good, even though that's what happened last time, and you didn't get pg. Who knows why. Maybe you will this time - I sure as hell hope so! I would love for you and partner to have your little family, sooner than later. Try to stay calm and relaxed, and hold off on the manhattans for a while (it can't hurt). I'm glad your lining is nice and built up, a little welcoming nest. Get prepared to vizualize white healing energy in and around your uterus, and imagine your little embryo settling in. Hang in there, chickie. I'm rooting for you and your little embryos... just keep growing....

Keep us posted! I wish you all the best! : ) xoxoxoxoxox

4:51 PM  
Anonymous Manuela said...

Darlin... how could you POSSIBLY keep up that same level of enthusiasm the second time 'round... Don't be too hard on yourself...

5:19 PM  
Anonymous Jenn said...

I hope this one ends up better than last time. But I don't blame you a bit for being less enthusiastic.

6:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I understand why you'd be disappointed. My mantra during IVF is always "every cycle is a unique event, every cycle is a unique event." You just never know. Hoping for the best for you.

8:43 PM  
Blogger Sara said...

I have no words of wisdom, but I certainly can relate to the diminishing enthusiasm. It's hard to be the perky cheerleader month after month. Hang in there....

I like what anon said previously - - "every cycle is a unique event." The result of this IVF is independent of your previous experiences. We all need to keep this in mind as we move forward.

You are in my thoughts....

10:46 PM  
Blogger LilySea said...

For now, you have eight potential babies.
That's what I'm thinking until you say otherwise...

10:46 PM  
Blogger Kim said...

It might be the same number, but they're different eggs. How about we play pretends and say you only got 6 last time so this time is fantastic. And what's even more fantastic is that they all fertilised and you never know what could happen from this point on. Don't lose hope yet, like lilysea said, there's eight potential babies that haven't given up yet.

12:30 AM  
Anonymous cj said...

After I lost my pregnancy with twins and got pregnant with Grace I had similar thoughts as you. How could I be excited when the last time things ended so badly. I spent a lot of time being afraid only to find that I had a healthy baby growing in me. I later regretted all the worry that was shed.. I felt that all the moments I spent being worried, afraid, or what ever it was moments less spent being excited.

Katie, my grandpa always told me that without hope there is nothing.

Have hope.

11:53 AM  
Blogger Pamplemousse said...

Hey hey now. It is a good result and sometimes ovaries will not be pushed, no matter what. A 100% fert. rate is fantastic and I have not given up on you and Partner's baby/ies yet!!

3:05 PM  

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