Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Health Risk Factors

From the new ob/gyn, Dr Dyke's office, the following:

Do you?
  • Do a self beast exam? (kinda?); Any changes? (no?)
  • Exercise regularly? (Oh shit, no. No, I don't. I am a big fat slug.)
  • Smoke? (No! Ha! See how I healthy I am? I may not exercise regularly, but I don't smoke! I got one right!)
  • Consume alchohol? (Of course!) Drinks/wk: (Many. Several. Depends on the week? Um, am I allowed to lie? About two (per night)? Shit shit shit shit. How do I answer this question? Shit. Shit. Why are you judging me, sister, you just met me!?)
  • Use recreational drugs? (Just say no, dude.)
  • Use sunscreen regularly? (For the first three days at the beach, sure. After that, I want the bain de soliel tanned lady body.)
  • Wear seatbelts? (Religiously. Ha! Another one correct.)
  • Eat dairy products daily? (Cheese. Lover. Here.)
  • Eat fruits and vegatables daily? (Yes. Not as much as I should, but yes.)
  • Follow a low-fat diet? (Cripes. Another should I lie question.)
  • Take calcium supplements? (I own a bottle of calcium supplements.)
  • Take vitamin supplements? (My partner does!)

More or less I could stop doing the new patient intake form right now. Clearly I am going to drop dead next week.


Blogger Career Guy said...

"Are you now or have you ever been a member of the Communist Party?"...Oh, that one wasn't on there? Imagine if you were adopting--the nice men from the FBI would be on your doorstep. Hope you pass the audition.

9:12 PM  
Blogger Katie (WannaBeMom) said...

Oh, John. I hope so too.

2:11 PM  

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