Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Conceptions, Carbs and Careers

This is meant to be a quick update because I am so busy lately that I feel like I could sleep forever. First of all, in RHC 101 there are six scheduled exams. Three of those exams were before April, and three of them are in April. This is making for a lot of studying. I just took exam four, and it was awful. I hope it was precedent for the next two. Maybe tonight I'll find out how I did.

It is, of course, the end of the semester. Which means paper grading galore, and when one is already behind on the grading, it adds to the tension. Today students turn in their final papers, which I have promised to have back to them by Monday so they can have a chance to revise. How I think I am going to do this when everyone is coming here for Easter and I have to shop and clean the house still, I have no idea. I'm not 18 anymore, and staying up late into the night is just not an option.

And then I can't even have any good simple carbs, like potato chips, to keep me going. Do you know how hard it is to study for hours on end without having salty carby snacks? Instead it's like, "Oh. Great. More cheese. Yum." My kingdom for a Coke.

Which I actually will have at least twice before transfer time, which is sooner rather than later? Because to top everything else off, we get our Depot shots today. I think Partner is feeling slightly blue about the whole thing, thinking about getting poked in the arse with all those needles again. As for me, I'm not excited or otherwise about the cycle. Now it just feels like something we do.

In the midst of this I've been spending a lot of time questioning my life and values and just being emotionally exhausted in general. I want to post more about this because I think writing about it might help clarify some things. Here's an example: last Saturday as Partner and I were nearing the end of a whole day of study for RHC 101, I just started to cry. And spilling much about my earlier education experiences and how I feel worth sometimes bound up in scholarly success and how I know it should only matter if I try my best, but still I don't act that way, and -- Well, there's a lot more there, but we ended up at the RC church where the priest somehow read my mind and his entire homily was directed to me (it seemed) and-- Okay-- I want to talk about this but I have to get in the shower and go downtown and teach and come back and get a hormone shot in the ass and then spend a few hours grading and then I get to go to a four hour session of RHC--- Sometimes I spiral, can you tell?

But I promise to slow down and let you in on more of the story here and spill the beans about RHC 101 and life plans and all that monkey business. Soon. Sooner. Soonish.


Blogger Nico said...

Grading with a deadline like that is the worst! And studying on top - yuck. I totally hear you on the need for carbs while doing those things - brain food! I'm impressed that you're not letting yourself backslide.

I really hope this cycle is the one for you!!!

10:31 AM  
Blogger Soul Searching said...

Sounds oddly familiar minus the shots in the ass. I'd break my own leg (and yours and my mama's!) for some Easter chcolate to help me through finals. Just know that you're not the only one fumbling through this crap with nothing soothing! Hell, even cheese sounds like a dream right now. How fucking pathetic is that :)

12:47 PM  
Blogger Pamplemousse said...

Step away from the carbs!!! You are doing so well. I know you can keep it up despite the Lupron.

1:58 PM  
Blogger Career Guy said...

Gee, I'm a slacker compared to all you have going on. I look forward to your tell-all post. Once those papers are graded, of course.

9:20 PM  
Anonymous pixi said...

Yes, I'm very eager to hear how you're doing with everything - work, classes, and cycling - oh, my! Hope you can catch your breath at some point.

12:21 PM  

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