Monday, April 04, 2005

Lesbian Impotence

I am ovulating. It's day fourteen. I have the good mucous. Middleschmertz? Oh, yeah. All of these things are very good signs that I am in ripe shape for making a baby. Good news, but for two things: 1. WE HAVE NO SPERM. Why does this make me think of singing, "Yes, we have no bananas today"? Seems entirely appropriate to me. There is no ready made sperm dispenser chez WannaBes. A serious disadvantage in a world full o'perks. And 2. I am not even the one getting pregnant. I will (hopefully) (eventually), but because of various logical and well worked out factors, Patner gets first crack at the sperm (when we finally find it).

This creates an odd type of world for me. We don't have a relationship where just one of us is planning on being the birthing parent. We are both very much looking forward to pregnancy. Yet all of this fertility tracking, finding the perfect sperm, making doctors appointments-- I feel ready. But it's not me that's getting pregnant. And I don't want to say I am jealous of Partner-- I am actually really excited for Partner and for me and for us as a couple. So it's not jealousy. It's just an intense feeling-- of expectation. And waiting. And readiness.

I can't believe I ever worried about an unwanted pregnancy. It all seems so fricking elusive now.


Blogger Firefly said...

I came across a book review in the Toronto Globe and Mail this weekend and I think it is something you might enjoy. I think I might enjoy it myself and I am not planning on trying to get pregnant for a few more years.

12:09 PM  
Blogger Katie (WannaBeMom) said...

This is awesome. I am going to order this book right away. I looked for it on US Amazon, and I couldn't find it. I might just pop over to Windsor instead of getting it through Amazon. It's always good to have an excuse to go to Windsor (and not have that excuse be that you're 19 and want to drink underage.)

6:07 PM  
Blogger Firefly said...

Let me know how it turns out, it got a really good review, and it is supposed to deal with conception as well as pregnancy....and conception is the name of the game at the moment...why not laugh at it?

7:00 PM  
Anonymous Detroit Monkey said...

Wow, WBM. I didn't know that you trying to conceive (until I found your blog, obviously). I wish you and the lucky lady well in that endeavor.

Two friends of mine in Flint just had recent success becoming mom. They found another couple, Bob and Phillip (a gorgeous English prof at Mott College), to be donate the sperm. It's a beautiful thing. This girl has 4 loving parents. See the pics if you want.

2:24 PM  
Blogger Katie (WannaBeMom) said...

Thanks, Monkey. I'm going to look at the pics now. We worked with a known donor for awhile and for this and that, we're going anon. It'll actually be easier with anon...
And actually, I am not trying yet myself... arg. Much to my, well, chagrin?

4:42 PM  

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