Friday, December 30, 2005

(Not So) Random Thoughts: Complete with Coronation Street. Philosophy

Partner and brother K are downstairs building a bird house that will then be up for grabs at a silent auction a week from today. A few builders in the area were asked to build these bird houses, and I think we're up for some stiff competition. One of the firms asked is an engineering firm, and their description indicated they were building more a "complex" than a mere a house. We decided we couldn't compete with such craziness, and therefore have gone the more whimsical route. Our bird house is shaped like a bird. Depending on the outcome, I may post a photo.

I'm terrified someone will lose a finger down there in the basement. There's circular saws and jigsaws and sanders, oh my.

I'm anxious about Lupron shots next week.

I'm freezing in the house. I've cranked up the heat, DTE be damned! (So easy to say right now before the bill comes, whereupon I'll flip out and turn the heat way down again.)

I'm sick of the Christmas stuff, but have no desire to take it all down. Usually I am stickler for leaving it all up until Christmas is legitimately and liturgically finished.

I'm terrified IVF # 2 won't work.

Brother K's betrothed is coming here after work, whereupon I'll cook dinner for all of us. I was thinking tuna with a wasabi marinade, but said betrothed doesn't like tuna. So I said I'd substitute salmon. Brother K says she doesn't like that either. Fuck. So now I think I might make chicken with 40 cloves of garlic, but I'm more in the mood for Asian type flavors. And fish. I'm crabby about this.

Somehow everyone in my family managed to get along over Christmas, but still, coming home to our own house felt glorious and peaceful.

Even though I'm ready to start again, the very nature of going to the RE's office almost every day in a few weeks has me weary already.

It's really grey here today. One Sunday when Partner was gone in Minneapolis, I was talking with Frog, and she related that although Minneapolis is cold as all get out, the sun shines much more there than our old mitten shaped state during the winter. I wonder what's worse: the grey days that are a fraction warmer or sunny days that are frigid? On a day like today, I'm not sure.

I think we're moving. Across the street.

Even in my dread of shots, I feel a little like Manuela did-- like the first IVF round was a dress rehearsal, and now this one is for real. And then I think, "Oh my God-- what if it freaking works?" And then I get dizzy. And then I worry I'm getting dizzy because I do have the diabetes. And then I start over on my round of random thinking.

I know this is silly, but last night as I curled up on our bed, put the fire on, and watched my favorite show, Coronation Street, one of the characters said something that I understood: Roy Cropper was talking to his wife, Haley, about a little boy who is staying with them after his mother swanned off to Spain with her lover, Les Battersby. Roy wants to go to Spain and convince this little boy's mother to be a mother. Haley said to Roy she was worried that she'd give the child false hope. Roy, who is somewhat bumbling, but ever-so caring, said to Haley, "There's no such thing as false hope."

There's no such thing as false hope.

Yes, of course, by it's very nature, hope cannot be false. It might be dashed, but it ain't false. And ultimately, there's a lot of hope in our home, and while I don't think any of it is false, it is scary thinking about hope falling from its great height. But for now, we'll just keep going on with the random thoughts, and let hope continue it's slow ascent.

Boy, is the house cold...


Blogger frog said...

Are you really moving? And, if so, might I put in a bit for across the street FROM ME?

I think that would be just excellent. :)

4:18 PM  
Anonymous CJ said...

Minneapolis is a nice place... I live in south metro. :)

I don't blame you for being a bit afraid - however your a brave, tough woman... and it will be SO worth it in the end.

I'm very proud of you. I admire you and partners courage.

8:09 PM  
Anonymous pixi said...

I'm playing catch-up a little bit, so first I want to say nice work in pushing for what you need from your clinic. And I'm ever so curious to know what got your fave nurse fired. So weird.

And yes, it is unbelievable - the way hope manages to get back in. I was so sure that I was done with it this time, but I'm not apparently.

Good luck with everything that's coming up. And I sure would like to see a photo of the bird house. It sounds great.

2:21 AM  
Blogger Pamplemousse said...

Lordy Miss Clawdy, I know you have truly lost your mind if you are watching Corrie and taking assvice from Roy!!!!

Happy New Year!!!

7:09 AM  
Blogger Katie (WannaBeMom) said...

Now, Pamplemousse, Roy sometimes has a gem or two hidden away in the cafe... Ha ha. I know, I know-- Corrie-- but I can't help it. I love it.

12:53 PM  
Blogger PortLairge said...

I wanted you to know that I have been lurking for a while and really enjoying your posts. I had to respond today when I saw you are a fan of Coronation Street. When I was a young girl living in Ireland, they started showing Coronation Street on RTE2. They showed it Monday through Friday for YEARS until they caught up with the real time Corrie and then it was shown at the same time as the English channels, Monday and Wednesday (It was devastating at the time to only have it two nights a week!!!!!). We don’t get it here so I am madly jealous of you. I always watch it when I go home to visit but I have no clue what’s going on anymore and I don’t know half the characters.

I am going through IVF cycle # 2 as we write. I have 9 days of lupron under my belt and am waiting for AF to start before (hopefully) starting stims. The best of luck with your cycle. I wish you and Partner a wonderful 2006.

2:18 PM  

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