And This Is Today
Yesterday we drove up to the "main" clinic so Partner could have her ultrasound with Dr. BusyBusyBusy who was doing some surgeries there. We did this based on a mutual decision, but mostly led by Dr. BBB, who felt more comfortable doing the ultrasound than leaving it with a nurse because, as we've all established, the anatomical insides of my dear girl are not quite the usual.
He was happy with the follicles, told us to take one more dose of Ganarelix and trigger her at 10:30. We did all of the above.
As we drove away from the clinic, we commented on how much more calm we both felt this cycle, probably because we saw Dr. BBB more than the nurses. Quite clearly we trust Dr. BBB and have a good rapport with him.
Then today, I got a voicemail from the 12 year old letting me know that Dr. BusyBusyBusy will not! be able! to do Partner's surgery! tomorrow! (because he's got another surgery scheduled at another location.) Instead his associate will do the surgery.
Okay, and Dr. Associate seems like a nice guy, that's true. He did one ultrasound on Partner during the first cycle. But he's the one who did the hsg; that makes him a little like the Angel of Death to us, since he is the one that announced Partner could not carry children.
I do not want Dr. Associate to do the surgery. I want Dr. BBB. I have called the office and told them to have him call me. As. Soon. As. Possible. To say I feel like we have a lot riding on this is an understatement. Don't forget: This is the last time we're doing it this way. My ever logical partner has pointed out that if this doesn't work, it doesn't mean we won't have kids. I know this. I do. But I still sputter. I still feel so invested. Just because we have some tries with IUI after this doesn't mean I don't want this work. I love to think about Partner's little eggs inside me. I can't even go on about this more than that right now, partly because I am work, and partly because I am still on the verge of a crying jag.
There's no turning back. Partner is triggered. We'll have to go forward no matter what, but I'm not happy. Not happy at all.
He was happy with the follicles, told us to take one more dose of Ganarelix and trigger her at 10:30. We did all of the above.
As we drove away from the clinic, we commented on how much more calm we both felt this cycle, probably because we saw Dr. BBB more than the nurses. Quite clearly we trust Dr. BBB and have a good rapport with him.
Then today, I got a voicemail from the 12 year old letting me know that Dr. BusyBusyBusy will not! be able! to do Partner's surgery! tomorrow! (because he's got another surgery scheduled at another location.) Instead his associate will do the surgery.
Okay, and Dr. Associate seems like a nice guy, that's true. He did one ultrasound on Partner during the first cycle. But he's the one who did the hsg; that makes him a little like the Angel of Death to us, since he is the one that announced Partner could not carry children.
I do not want Dr. Associate to do the surgery. I want Dr. BBB. I have called the office and told them to have him call me. As. Soon. As. Possible. To say I feel like we have a lot riding on this is an understatement. Don't forget: This is the last time we're doing it this way. My ever logical partner has pointed out that if this doesn't work, it doesn't mean we won't have kids. I know this. I do. But I still sputter. I still feel so invested. Just because we have some tries with IUI after this doesn't mean I don't want this work. I love to think about Partner's little eggs inside me. I can't even go on about this more than that right now, partly because I am work, and partly because I am still on the verge of a crying jag.
There's no turning back. Partner is triggered. We'll have to go forward no matter what, but I'm not happy. Not happy at all.
What do you think? Is this acceptable? What would you do?
posted by Katie at 1:47 PM
15 Comments:
Breathe.
Just breathe.
Its the way the universe made it.
God that sounds so pollyanna-it almost made even me gag! haha-but its true...
Hi there... I have been reading your blog for awhile. My name is Lissa- I, also, would love to carry my sweet girl's eggs one day...maybe... we shall see....
Have faith, and know that you are in the prayers of many.
Good luck.
Nina,
You're a doll-- that's about precisely what we are doing, except I am having a full fledged freak out instead of a mini one...
Thanks!
Pixie, you too! Thanks!
Oh, that Nina. She's right. Dr. Associate can probably do the job just as well as Dr. BBB and wouldn't it be a pleasant surprise if got even more follicles than were expected?
Nina is right. Good luck tomorrow!
Good luck tomorrow and just know that this is where you are supposed to be at this moment. There are some things that you just cannot change, so have a freak out and then get some sleep :)
Maybe Dr. Assoc will be a good luck charm? I hate to be in Happyville when you're freaking out, but I refuse to think negatively about this!!
Yikes! I don't blame you for freaking! But Nina is right and I am sure Dr. Ass (hmm..) can do a decent job. I mean, he will HAVE to, right? Keep us posted. Many prayers coming your way today.
In cold, hard terms this whole thing is a business at the end of the day. And no worthwhile doctor is going to share his business and hard-won patient trust with an imbecile because then he might lose his business and reputation. So the other doctor must know what he's doing. I would be cranky though that your usual doctor did this without telling you.
On an emotional level, I would crawl under my bed crying and start chugging vodka. But I'm not exactly stable right now.
I'd probably be upset and then go ahead with Dr. Asshole. The retrieval isn't as crucial as the transfer I think. I was really upset that another doctor did my transfer (which I didn't know was happening till I was spread out on the table) but it ended up ok.
And in all honesty, I never saw my doctor for the retrieval. She came in after I was knocked out and I only saw the nurses and the embryologist afterwards anyway. But I'd still be upset. It's hard when you finally feel like you can trust someone then to have to deal with someone else all over again.
I'm late to the party here, but I guess I'd ask Dr.BBB whether he could accomodate you, given that he's got a lot more experience with partner's innards. Perhaps you could go to the other location?
I have read stories of Bad Things happening at retrieval, and while I'm sure (Mermmmmaid makes a good point) that Dr. BBB would not associate with a bad associate, it would still be reassuring to have someone who knows how to find your partner's ovaries easily.
You at least deserve to discuss this with the good doc.
Good luck tomorrow. I will be hoping for lots and lots of mature but not over-ripe eggs! And then for excellent fertilization... and transfer... and implantation... and a partridge in the pear tree.
Okay, maybe not a partridge. But you get the idea.
xo
art-sweet
I just got your e-mail and I think it really doesn't matter who does it! Controversial? Yes, I am! I never ever saw who did my previous retrievals and lets face it, its a big needle and some flushing. Stay cool and I am pulling for you both today!
Sorry I'm late on this one... I hope that retrieval goes well today! I think you're completely justified in your freak out - but I'm sure whoever does the retrieval will do a good job. Thinking of you guys!
This is an unexpected wrench trown into a (thus far) relaxed cycle -I hope you can keep calm and cool - Dr. Sunshine will do a great job, even if it's not Dr. BBB. I'm wishing you good vibes today!
i'm doing clomid after a pregnancy on my first try that ended in miscarriage... besides loads of alcohol(starting to miss having the occassional relaxing 5th of vodka), times like this make me wish i could have a tantrum. not just any tantrum mind you but the ones you had when you were three where you fell on the floor,kicked and screamed... mine would go like mwhaaa i want a baby... (tears and snot) i want a baby nowww... i think you should visualize yourself doing this whenever days like yours occur. it works for me...
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