Thursday, January 13, 2005

Retained v Restrained

Perhaps the lawyer is not retained after all. Now, don't get me wrong, we're still retaining the lawyer, but the agreement goes a bit forward into issues we aren't quite getting into yet, [....blah blah blah edited]

And fears abound, and I try not to dwell on them too much since Partner and I have both said we need to "trust the universe" a little in order to go ahead on this. But there are so many unknowns, and unsures, and I think that any time anyone has a child, that is probably the case, but it just seems so much more in our case, and I hate that. I know that the anger about this will kick in at some point, but I suppose right now I am too busy and focused on getting kid in Partner's belly that anger seems superfluous at this juncture. (Doesn't that sound like it should be party of the retainer? Client agrees that anger is superfluous at this juncture.)

I had no real fears until we sat in attorney's office, and it was really nice and grand, just the way I wanted it to look and feel, and the attorney talked to us, and seemed very competent, and for some reason, it suddenly made me terrified. As if all the fears we have about someone coming back for the baby after it is born became more real. [more edits] But the thing is, with all the recent laws passed, including the dastardly Prop 2 here in Michigan, and with King George sitting quite comfortably, the whole tenor of the land has just seemed to shift to more unfriendly than ever. I can just see the AFA bursting into the delivery room and whisking newborn kid away: "You're not fit to be parents, you lesbian witches!! We had a mandate from God delivered by the President, and if you aren't with us, you're against us!" Jesus. Does it seem so unlikely to you??

One day I just sat down and cried thinking about having a baby and then someone taking it away from us. (I know; I have always been dramatic. Really dramatic. But still.)

We had Shabbos dinner with some friends on Friday, who invited another lesbian couple over who happened to have a child, a really darling girl, and are expecting another child soon. J, one of the parents of this child, told us that she worried before giving birth too, about having a baby in this world of homophobes, but in reality, what's she's found is that having a child reduces everyone's homophobia, because in the end, everyone just loves the child. Hm.

I could go on like this for days, and will, since it's looking at some of these types of fears and questions that will form the central premise of this blog.

I should have never read A Theory of Relativity.

Anyway, the lawyer is not retained, [delete] Partner has not seen fertility doc, [delete] and we wanted to have Partner start trying in February, and things are moving too slowly. Frustrating, even through my fears, frustrating.


Anonymous Manuela said...

Although I'm now reading the edited version of this post... I can gather enough to be angry that you were made to feel any differently than any other set of parents who want to have a family.

I hope this doesn't seem like an attack on your country... but I have to say... the issue of Gay Rights is one of the reasons I COULD NEVER live in the U.S. I am so incredibly proud of Canada's stance in this regard... I so wish it were easier for you and partner.

(Side note... the Lesbian couple I mentioned a couple posts back... they actually left San Francisco to move here to Vancouver, Canada for this very reason... they said that now that they've lived here and have been treated as just a regular ol' married couple by society at large... that they could never go back. I only hope the rest of the world takes on this type of thinking sooner rather than later!)

4:27 PM  

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