Tuesday, September 27, 2005


This semester on the first day of class, one student introduced himself and said that sleeping was one of his favorite things to do. That he might even go so far as to say it was a hobby.

I slept like shit last night.

When we got the Lupron shot, the nurse said that insomnia might be a side effect. It hasn't been until last night. I hate being awake, wide awake, in the middle of the night. The night stand light on and my book across my chest. Staring at the ceiling, at my sleeping partner. The dozing cats. I could almost hear the skunk, deer, and fox snoring outside. The world was asleep, and I was awake.

But then I would doze a little, slip off into the land of nod for a brief visit only to be awakened by a hot flash. A big sweaty hot flash. A oh-my-god-I-need-my-clothes-off-right-now hot flash. Followed, of course, by freezing since we are nuts and still have bedroom windows open even though the nights are bona fide chilly now.

When you are wide-awake at night, every worry of the world comes to rest with you. It's as if the worries fly around at night, looking for the tosser or turner and then instantly they all flock there and roost in that poor sod's brain. And last night it was me. Once that happens, sleep gets even more elusive. My only saving grace was that last night's worrying somehow seemed to steer away from myself (odd, since worrying often is a very self-involved activity) and centered with my friends. I love my friends fiercely. I want them to be happy. But as soon as I would be in full-fledged worry, it would happen again: hot flash! Worry gone-- sweat began!

(Seriously, these hot flashes! Partner is not having them at all. On Saturday night as she was cooking dinner, I was making an apple spice cake. I had to butter and flour the pan, but the only butter I had left after whipping up the cake was in the freezer. Great, I thought, this will work well. I cut a hunk of the butter off and then, whammo, hot flash. Let me tell you what: the butter melted in my hand like it was hottest summer day. Partner was amazed-- "You really are having a hot flash! Look at the sweat dripping!" Growl.)

Personally I think the insomnia, one night only now, is more related to excitement/worry about the next few weeks. We bought the "goo" last night, which was almost more excitement than I could handle, and I think it stayed with me. I start acupuncture today, and hopefully this can calm me down a little. Then, just like my student, I too can go back to claiming sleeping as a hobby.


Blogger frog said...

Congratulations on goo acquisition.


9:07 AM  
Blogger Trista said...

Well, I certainly hope that you get to claim sleep as a hobby before heavy pregnancy and the baby's arrival, since sleep will only be a fond memory then...

Look at me, I'm so excited for you, I'm considering it a done deal already. No insensitivity meant, I know you still have a long way to go.

9:59 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

I'm still back at the butter. Wow.

11:07 AM  
Anonymous Robyn said...

sleep really is something that you quickly learn to live without. i seriously think that all of this is a dress rehearsal for when kidling is here. so glad you are finally on the ttc journey!

1:51 PM  
Blogger Emilin said...

I, too, have insomnia. We should flash spotlights or send up smoke signals or something to tell each other when we're awake in the middle of the night.

1:57 PM  
Blogger April said...

Wishing both of you all that your hearts desire.

3:42 PM  

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